Between being creatively frustrated, missing my brother and J, and having had a massive fight with my folks, I have been seeking solace in busting my booty at the gym for the past three weeks. Of course, I have also been stuffing my face silly, so I haven't been losing weight massively, but I've got them muscles.
And in the midst of Nicki Minaj's rappin' and my furious attempts to batter my body up beyond belief, I have realised that there are numerous weird characters in the gym.
1. The One Who Insists On Being Naked.
She only dwells the locker room after 830pm, when the gym starts clearing out - which is weird because if you're an exhibitionist, you'd be naked when there's lots of people no? She steps out of the shower, towel in hand, completely naked. And it's not a pretty sight. She spends a lot of time being naked. Sometimes she would put on a towel when she's blowdrying her hair, but sometimes, she's bent over, blowing her hair in weird positions and I feel like I'm going to hurl my intenstines out.
2. The One Who Wears Itsy Bitsy Booty Shorts
I have to admit that this woman has a banging body. I always see her at the kick boxing classes on Saturday where she wears the same [but super cool sports bra] and itsy bitsy shorts. While I'm sure itsy bitsy shorts are handy at showing off her banging body, she also spends half the class digging out her camel toe. I'm not sure if she realises it, but it's funny to watch.
3. The One Who Wears Full-on Makeup to the Gym
You know, I'd understand if it was a weekday and you come with mascara and perfectly-painted lips just out of the office. No, this is a Saturday, a day when you roll out of bed, clutching your hungover head and drag yourself to the gym. Her hair is perfectly blowdried, her cheeks flushed before working out, and mega heavy-duty mascara. This is Camel Toe's friend. I'd understand it a tad if the trainer teaching the class is hot, but he really isn't.
4. The Ones Who Hog the Treadmill/ the Cross Trainer
They usually come in a pair. A pair of annoying hoggers who don't work out, but spend half an hour on idle chit chat casually walking on the treadmill while I am impatiently twiddling my thumbs to do intervals. I couldn't tell them to get off because it's not like they're not using the damn machines, but technically, they really aren't.
5. The One Who Wants to Make Friends
Whether you come up to me while I'm doing intervals and tell me I'm doing things wrong, or you come up to the cross trainer next to me and start making small talk even though I have my earbuds on - here's the thing: I'm not interested in being your gym buddy. My weighing scale is enough a motivation for me to bust my non-existent balls. I'm not interested in social interaction when I smell like socks.
6. The One Who Checks Out Your Machine Display
Why? Do you want to compete? Bring it on, bitch!
Pray tell, what kind of weirdos lurk at your gym?