AIRPLANE ETIQUETTE

I feel like I'm going cold turkey off travelling. For the past two years, J and I have been fortunate enough to have never gone more than three months without a jaunt overseas, and since it has been more than three months since my last trip, I'm antsy and twitchy like a coke addict who lost his last baggie and is broke-to-the-bone till his next pay cheque. While I'm not broke and I could skedaddle out of the country if I wanted to, I'm scrimping and saving for trips to see J. And while I anticipate that green light from my man... here are some airplane etiquette you should try to adhere to if you're flying somewhere soon.

* Carry light & carry 'em low. Check your bags in whenever possible. And if you have a carry-on and you're walking down the aisle, carry your bag low. I've been hit countless of times in the face by inconsiderate dumbasses who are in a hurry to get to their seat [which I never understand - you seat's gonna be there for you. It's not first-come-first-served] and I've wanted to shove these said-people just as many times as I've been hit in the face.

* Use your overhead. I understand that you want to have your most valuable belongings with you or under your seat, but when the bag you're carrying is the size of a two-year-old kid, it's not going to be pleasant for those stuck next to you in cattle class.

* Don't grab. I know you're trying to balance, or something, but grabbing the headrest of the person in front of you is really annoying.

* Sprawl, but politely. On a short flight from Hong Kong back home after a work trip, I was stuck cramped in the window seat on a row that doesn't recline, and the guy in front of me sprawls out like he's going on an A380 across the world. This was midday, and a journey barely a few hours away. I told him nicely to move his seat up because I haven't got any space to function because I was taller than the average Asian and he didn't, so when he was served food, I "accidentally" kneed the back of his chair. I shrugged when he growled. "What can I do? I told you I'm tall."

Yes, not very mature of me, but it did keep me occupied for the plane ride. ;o)

* The Great Armrest Debate. I've been stuck in the middle seat only once in the recent years of travelling because I have been anal enough to prebook my seats. The only reason I was stuck was because the PR company who sent us on the trip said they would check in for us and didn't - grrrr. That aside, there are a few ways to deal if you find yourself in the center seat: A) You share with your neighbours, B) You claim one right off the bat, C) Hopefully the two end seats will feel bad for you [you know, since you’re “stuck in the middle”] and just let you have both of them.

* Stinky Sue. If you need to burp, pass gas or do any nasty, gross things - go to the bathroom!

* Don't be a diva Stop being a f*cking princess. Everybody's stuck in that 14-hour flight. Everybody's stuck in the same boat plane. Suck it up. Or take Tylenol PM - J says it knocks him out for a good half of the journey across the world.

Go forth and travel, kitty cats! Send me a postcard from your summer sojourns, I love them!