Like we haven't got enough drama going on in our lives, we have, for probably as long as we can remember, had numerous ideals shoved our faces telling us that everything were are is the complete opposite of what we should be. You were given a fair-skinned doll, with piercing blue eyes who looks nothing like you, you've been compared to other girls in your class who are taller, shorter, skinner, fatter. You've been told that the curls you have in your hair is hideous, and a few years later, you're told that curls are beautiful. And then you flip through a women's magazine that "celebrates curves" and two pages later, you come across a slimming ad.
You're told that thighs that don't touch is what you should aim for, you're told that it's okay to go hungry so that you can show off your ribs protruding from your skin.
You've been advised to act a certain way around men, or around people you like. You're told to call other women names if their ways are idiosyncratic, and if anything challenges what you believe it. You've been been brainwashed to believe that your beliefs make you a better person, but you forget that your actions speak much, much louder.
You've been made to believe that there is so, so many things wrong with you that you're beyond the point of redemption.
It's non-stop. Left, right and centre, women and girls are told every day how unpretty they are and what modifications they should make to themselves, their lifestyles, their body, to feel like they could be wanted, and accepted. And while there's not much you can do to what has been written in a magazine [you can choose to rip the fuck out of it and never buy it again!], there is something you can help yourself - choose to make yourself feel beautiful, in whatever way you feel like. You're never going to feel 100 percent 100 percent of the time, but the least you can do for yourself is try!
STOP LETTING YOURSELF FEEL LIKE SHIT, WOMAN. Only you can help yourself, and here are some ways how.
Accept the things you cannot change. One of the biggest things that get me down is my eczema and the numerous ailments that surround it. It starts from my asthma [which is in control now], I have eczema which is triggered by dust, heat, humidity, stress and some food products, my nose is constantly blocked, and my eyes are itchy a lot of the time. It gets embarrassing when you have to speak and people ask if you're ill, when you're not. Worse is when you notice people staring at your eczema scars.
My mother's positive affirmation goes by comparison. She tells me to be thankful because there are people in worse off situations that I am. When I'm going insane trying not to scratch my neck, crying because the ointment is stinging the scratches I gave myself whilst asleep trying to relieve the itch, I don't give a flying fuck about anybody else. All I want is to rip my skin off and hope that the new skin will be without flaws.
While I'm still learning [and praying for a cure], I am slowly starting to accept my eczema. I can't change it, but I won't let it control my life.
Keep your head, heels & standards high. In my latest favourite movie, Think Like A Man, a woman asked this guy on a talkshow: "I keep hooking up with guys and feel like shit after. Why can't I find a boyfriend?" He said, "Stop hooking up."
Which is true! If you want other people to respect you, you have to respect yourself. Whether it's your love life, your career, get a backbone, stand up high and keep it that way. It's so easy to falter and settle into something you think you deserve when you know you deserve better, and that's not the way to live life. While perfection will never be possible, excellence is always attainable, so if something doesn’t sit well with you or look the way you know it has the potential to, keep fine-tuning. Don't settle for 'okay' for the time being before 'awesome' comes along.
Listen to what you want.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” - E.E. Cummings
In a world where you are exposed to thousands of voices of opinions everyday, sometimes, it's hard to recognise what is your own, or sometimes, your thoughts and your desires have just been drowned out. Remember the time when you were six and you were told to write a short paragraph on what you wanted to be when you grew up and draw a photo to accompany it? If you could go back to that moment, that naivety, that couldn't-care-less 'tude you once had, bring it forth and apply it to your life, what would you then? What would make you happy?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I detest pity parties. I detest myself when I have pity parties for myself with myself, and I detest it when people are groaning about their existence and feeling sorry about something new each day. I know there are some things which is impossible to change - like finding a partner, and I know how lonely it can be, but complaining all the fucking time that you don't have a boyfriend is not going to help your case. Complaining about how your job sucks is not going to make it any better. Moaning about how much you loathe the country you're stuck in, and the people you are around will just bury you in more self-loathing.
Pity parties are not healthy, and granted you can throw them on occasion [like when your boyfriend permanently relocates across the world. heh], learn how to get out of that funk healthily.
Change things that you can. While you learn to accept things you can't change, make changes to things that you can. Stay disciplined, stay focused. Whether it's saving money, losing weight, getting fit, hanging out with your family more often, finding time for yourself. A little change goes a long way, and you know it.